Being comfortable being you...

Normal.

Abnormal.

Totally different from each other.

Yet similar.

But not.



I've lived my life in fear.

Fear that someone, somebody...somewhere will know my secret.

My one secret that I keep to myself.

Something that I dare not discuss with friends or family.

As if they do not know.

Or I pretend that I do not know.

I fit in, so my condition is'nt at all obvious when fully clothed.

My physicality is definitely not that of a "normal" human being.

Actually I'm 1 in 100,000 abnormally born persons in this world.

Lucky me.

I've walked the earth now for several years living in the unknown.

(41 to be exact)

So once it was described to me that my abnormality had a name(which was 8 years ago)...

....I felt both relieved and alone.

My walk in life has been down the road of Acceptance.

I tend to worry more about accepting myself more than I wonder about how people perceive or accept me.

However , my fear is that the ones that I've befriended over the years, if they were to ever find out about my condition that they would start to treat me differently.

I've seen how people treat others differently when they discover that something is different about that person that they cant visibly see....


Something in particular.

Some abnormality that isn't lacking in subtlety.

I enjoy the freedom of knowing that if a person is a natural born dickhead....

...I do not want that person to change their persona because they feel sorry for my condition....
...NO ...continue....continue to be a dickhead....if that's what you choose to be ...go right a head...
...it's your life.
You can do whatevah you like....!!

(isn't that a lyric to a song?)

Anways.....

Genuine.

People should be genuine in their understanding of one another.

Everyone's reality is something altogether different.

At different paces.

Different times.

Different time zones.

In other countries.

Right next door.

...

Learning to accept me ....first.

How can I expect someone to accept me if I dont accept me?

Question of my life.

I must evolve.

I must take my own advice.

I must.

I voted. It's way past midnight and I have no idea who won...

I've been watching a documentary on netflix about Star Trek fans.

It was great documentary.

More on it later.

Before the documentary, after voting I came home and took a nap.

On my living room lounge area.

It was the quickest power nap ever!

But I needed it.

So since I dont watch much tv, I'm not currently active on twitter or facebook, I'm out of the loop until I wake in the morning to see what Props won...and what will be our demise for the next 4 years.

I hope for Obama.

No-One elected into the Presidency 4 years ago would have enough time to undo the tyranny of the Bushes!

No-One!

So 2 terms is required.

That's pretty much where I stand with politics.

I hate all aspects of the politics.

It doesn't rule me.

I make my voice known via petition signings and supportive acts of much needed Propositions.

Outside of that, I'm very handy with letter writing should I need to make my voice more known.

The power of a letter is ...well POWERFUL.

Try it sometime.

Even if you decide not to mail it, getting your thoughts down on paper if evolutionary and opening to the soul.

This blogging thing is cool for me.

I dont talk to many people after I get home from work.

I may talk to my cousin or other family members.

But since I'm dumped my facebook & twitter page over 6 months ago (after being on board since 2003), I'm afraid I'm out of the social networking loop.

It's kind of an interesting outlook on how the world is.

People assume you know what they're talking about in reference to music, tv, celebrities, the latest happenings,etc.

I look up what I need to know.

I dont take on other's perspective of the life that's evolving around me.

I dont need reporters or social networks to bring me this info.

If I need it, I find it.

If I dont want it, I block it out.

I have issues of my own.

The doc prescribed me some meds that will help my anxiety.

Yes I do have some anxiety.

My brain is always running at top speed.

I need "things" to help me calm the brain activity down.

I worry in silence sometimes about how I'm perceived amongst people in general.

I can say outloud that "I dont care what people think" but that would be very untrue.

Everyone cares to some point.

They may never admit to it.
But they do.

It will be somewhat refreshing tomorrow morning to check the headlines to see if my votes counted towards Obama being in office for another 4 years or if we're all doomed as we head straight forward to the brink of human destruction.

This blue marble....


....The earth will survive.

It's inhabitants?

....will more likely.....evolve.

Once upon a time, it was me & my cousin and 'em...

And 'em?

Who is "em?

LOL!!!

Hilarious, I'll explain later who 'em is or was.

But that's how I remember hearing great stories as a kid.

When ever you heard the phrase "Once upon a time".....you knew you were in for a ear full of overly exaggerated lies.

Only thing is...you couldn't prove it.

For all you knew, it could have actually happened.

I mean as a kid(and probably even as an adult), if somebodies telling you a story of how two doberman pinchers hopped a fence and started chasing you down the street and the only way you got away was because of your super agile physic - with the abilities to hop over tall chain link school fencing in a single bound?......You will stop what you are doing and listen.

Your ears would be aching for an audible & improv display of pure unrehearsed entertainment.

Nothings funnier than hearing about how two neighborhood dogs got out one day.

If you grew up in Oakland in the 70's ...this was an all too common of a story of which was without a doubt to have some truth in it.

Exaggerated?

Of course.

Yet, a story is a story.


As I sometimes drift off into the day-dreams of yesteryear, I often laugh out loud when no-one else is around.

Because the stuff I've lived through personally, writers in Hollyhood wouldn't know what to make of it....and THEY...definitely couldn't make it up themselves.

Trust when I say I know this for a FACT.

Anyways.

That's all I got for today.

Keep evolving.